Wish Upon A Star

One step closer! Most of my medical records where sent FedEx to the RE today. It didn't take to long to get them all as soon as I was able to get someone on the phone. Leaving a message was apparently pointless. Showing up in person is always more effective.

I never thought I would find IPs so fast. But after posting on surrogatefinder.com, I was surprised to have a response only two days later. We didn't have any electricity at our house so we were staying at Bill's and he doesn't have internet so I had been checking my email on my phone. I was so excited but I couldn't even open the e-mail up. Two days past and I had almost forgotten about it when we finally got back to the land of internet. When I noticed it again I quickly read and responded. The message was from S, the IF. I was immediately interested due to the sincerity of the emails that we begin exchanging.

I got to talk to them on the phone Wednesday, February 10th. I was so nervous leading up to the phone call I felt sick but it turned out fine. The phone conversation went great! They were so nice! I ended up talking to Y, the IM for 45 minutes. She has actually been through 2 surrogates already that didn't work out. One was military and found out the surrogate's husband, who was in the military had orders for their family to move to Japan. The second surrogate got pregnant with her own child so she couldn't do it either. So hopefully I will be the one! We agreed on all the important issues and even started to talk about the contract stuff which is a bit uncomfortable to talk about but ended up being fine. They want to move forward! So we are going to continue to talk while I get the necessary stuff sent to the REs. We are looking at the first initial meeting with the REs sometime the end of March or early April. With Transfer in May or June. I won't get to meet them until the initial meeting with the REs because they live in PA but we also won't be signing any contracts till then. I am so excited/nervous!

I lay awake Wednesday night thinking how crazy it would be to be pregnant at some point this year. Hopefully sooner then later. I can't even explain to people how wonderful it would feel to help this wonderful couple that I have never met. Most people just wouldn't get it.

List of stuff that needs to be done to move forward as Y & S's surrogate:
- Medical records sent to RE. (This is proving to be harder then I though UGH, I can't even get a call back)
- Doctor appointment on Thursday with form filed out and results faxed to RE.
- Second form filled out be me and faxed to RE
- Sunday I am sticking myself with a needle if it takes me all day to get up the nerve! We are practicing on oranges first (Dr D's orders).

The divorce papers are filed! Now just the 30 day wait and the court appearance. As this chapter comes to an end I am of course a little sad. There are so many raw emotions that come with a divorce that it is hard to even put them in words; but with this divorce comes new beginnings. I am very excited about where I am and where I am going. Not only do I have an amazing boyfriend whom (as odd as it sounds since I just got out of a marriage) I plan on marrying one day, I am also going to hopefully get to help a couple have a baby! This happiness would not have been possible if I had stayed in a marriage that obviously wasn't going to get any better and most the time I wasn't happy in. So here is to new beginnings!

First step... research.
I have done my research and continue to read more about surrogacy daily. I check surromomsonline.com like an addict, have read all information that I can get from agency sites, and googled surrogacy, surrogate, insurance, etc. till I can't even think of other phrases to google. I have even searched for PIO (progesterone in oil) injection videos on youtube. Yes, they have not only one video of someone shooting them selves in the butt with a syringe, but there are at least 25. I have watched 5 hoping that this will ease my mind. I cringe at the sight but do not need to turn my head. I can and will over come this fear! Hopefully Dr Mike will have the supplies for me to start over coming the fear soon. I want to know I can do this before getting too far with a couple. They have been through enough heartache and I don't want to get their hopes up but I really don't thing the shots will be a problem. I am hard headed enough not to let my fear stand in the way.

Second step... put my name out there.
I have contacted a few agencies. Most require that I have insurance in place before even talking to them. I finally found one that answered my questions and sent me an application despite the insurance being up in the air. It took me 2 hours to fill out the 20 page application. I hope I look OK on paper. It all makes me a little nervous but excited at the same time.

I am also putting my name out there on a couple of surrogate sites. The thought of going independent (without an agency) makes me even more nervous but I have met a local woman who also went independent and has already talked to me about a lawyer I could use and I am sure will help me more as the journey progresses. The surrogacy community is very close and very willing to help noobs such as myself. I actually had my first e-mail from a traditional couple and have sent them a response. Exciting but I do not expect my first contact to be the one. Don't get my hopes up and I won't be disappointed. Right???

Well that is where I am at with everything right now. I will hopefully continue to post as the journey progresses.

So of course there are obstacles that must be over come. The whole process can be a little over whelming. But I am doing my research and have already learned a bunch from the ladies on a wonderful forum called http://www.surromomsonline.com .

I am listing my obstacles on my blogs in hopes that it will remind me that it is a short list and not really as daunting as it seems.
1. Finish the divorce. There is really not much more to do here except get the separation agreement signed and file with the clerk of court. As long as the ex cooperates this should be pretty simple and the divorce should be final about 2 months after I file.
2. Insurance seems to be the most difficult part of all of this yet. Hardly any plans cover surrogacy. What a PIA! Not to mention they cost a fortune. I want to help someone have a baby, not break their bank with large premiums, deductibles, co-pays, and all the other junk that I can not even began to understand when looking at an insurance plan. Right now I have two options. One is Blue Cross Blue Shield and the other is *******.
3. And last but certainly not least is my fear of needles. Since I will being doing IVF (in vitro fertilization) to get pregnant with the IP's (intended parent's) baby I will have to take shots to help prepare my body for the baby. I will have to administer these shots myself. OUCH! I have a plan though! The most wonderful Dr. Mike (a close friend and a pediatrician) is going to teach me how to administer them. He has taught kids with diabetes to give themselves shots. Surely he can get me use to it too. We are starting on oranges, then my stomach, and finally in my thigh or in my butt. This is going to be fun. Maybe I will even post pictures.

I have wanted to be a surrogate mother since I heard the term.

I can not fathom not being able to have children. Even as a child when someone said "what do you want to be when you grew up", the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to be a mother. Yes it is the hardest thing I have ever done, yes at times my children drive me bat shit crazy, but they are who I am. So to hear someone say that they want to know that feeling and they are not sure they will ever get the chance breaks my heart.

I love helping others. I think my counselor called it the lost puppy syndrome. I think she meant this in the most loving of ways. Dr. D calls says that it is just the workings of a sensitive child (or adult in my case). If I see any anyone (human or animal) in trouble I not only sympathize but I want to do everything I can to help. My sympathetic nature was apparent as a young child. I am not sure how old I was but my mom made me a super hero cape with the letter E on it. I would throw it on when ever the dog had a hurt animal or a bird had hit the window in my attempt to save the day. As sweet as my parents thought it was, they also saw it in some ways as a problem. Especially after I got bite while attempting to save a rather large mouse from the jaws of the dog. The lesson I should have learned from this and multiple other times when trying to help others is, help those that you are able to help and be careful of those that may instead of accepting the help will not only never appreciate what was done for them but can end up hurting you in the end. I think that this has been a very hard lesson for me to learn. This journey is about many things, one of which is about helping someone who I can truly help and will greatly appreciate the gift given. It is also about getting past the pain of those that I couldn't help in the end and which have caused me pain.

Another reason to give this gift is because I love being pregnant. Three pregnancies and they have all been pretty easy. My midwife at 17 said your hips were made to have babies. Probably not what I need to hear at 17 but hey if it can help someone else. They were all carried to term, actually they were all carried past 41 weeks (UGH). The only serious problem I had was with Anabelle and that was due to meconium in the fluid which caused an infection in her lungs. So getting to experience pregnancy again will be a treat for me while a answered prayer for someone else.

So with the longing to help someone else, the feeling that it gives me, and the love of being pregnant I have decided to go forward with being a surrogate.

Thus the beginning of my journey...