Wish Upon A Star

I have wanted to be a surrogate mother since I heard the term.

I can not fathom not being able to have children. Even as a child when someone said "what do you want to be when you grew up", the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to be a mother. Yes it is the hardest thing I have ever done, yes at times my children drive me bat shit crazy, but they are who I am. So to hear someone say that they want to know that feeling and they are not sure they will ever get the chance breaks my heart.

I love helping others. I think my counselor called it the lost puppy syndrome. I think she meant this in the most loving of ways. Dr. D calls says that it is just the workings of a sensitive child (or adult in my case). If I see any anyone (human or animal) in trouble I not only sympathize but I want to do everything I can to help. My sympathetic nature was apparent as a young child. I am not sure how old I was but my mom made me a super hero cape with the letter E on it. I would throw it on when ever the dog had a hurt animal or a bird had hit the window in my attempt to save the day. As sweet as my parents thought it was, they also saw it in some ways as a problem. Especially after I got bite while attempting to save a rather large mouse from the jaws of the dog. The lesson I should have learned from this and multiple other times when trying to help others is, help those that you are able to help and be careful of those that may instead of accepting the help will not only never appreciate what was done for them but can end up hurting you in the end. I think that this has been a very hard lesson for me to learn. This journey is about many things, one of which is about helping someone who I can truly help and will greatly appreciate the gift given. It is also about getting past the pain of those that I couldn't help in the end and which have caused me pain.

Another reason to give this gift is because I love being pregnant. Three pregnancies and they have all been pretty easy. My midwife at 17 said your hips were made to have babies. Probably not what I need to hear at 17 but hey if it can help someone else. They were all carried to term, actually they were all carried past 41 weeks (UGH). The only serious problem I had was with Anabelle and that was due to meconium in the fluid which caused an infection in her lungs. So getting to experience pregnancy again will be a treat for me while a answered prayer for someone else.

So with the longing to help someone else, the feeling that it gives me, and the love of being pregnant I have decided to go forward with being a surrogate.

Thus the beginning of my journey...