Wish Upon A Star

So it looks like this was a chemical pregnancy. I am so sad for Y&S and a little sad for me too. Cycling isn't easy and I was really hoping it would take the first time around. Of course they still have me on medication just in case. My last beta is tomorrow and I am not expecting it to have risen at all. So moving on to plan B...

So Monday was our beta. It was only 29.2. This means the HcG level was really low. Anything about a 5 is pregnant but with it being only 29.2 it means we still have to worry because there is a possibility it is a chemical.

After much obsessing I finally started seeing some positives. The first was faint, really faint and I couldn't even get a picture. That was around 6:00 last night. Then this morning at 5:30 I tested again. Here is what it looked like. Yes it is really there I swear, you just have to look really really hard.

I don't think I have ever in my life been so obsessed. I just took apart a pregnancy test, yes I took it apart and held the piece of paper that comes out of it over a light in hopes that I would see the line that is there but so faint it takes holding it up to a lamp to see it. This very well could be what they call the evap line or evaporation line which means I am not pregnant but I AM DESPERATE to believe that it is in fact a positive! I am not the only one that saw it though. This is only one of the 15 tests that I have taken since Tuesday. I am sitting here writing this and laughing at myself. I know it is sad and pathetic but it is all I can think about. I even came to Atlanta this weekend to hang out with Jamie and try to forget about it but now I just have her looking at my pregnancy tests to see if she sees a line. Yup I have lost it. Can I blame it on the hormones?

I just realized how long it has taken to get us to this day. I talked to Y&S for the first time on February 10th, 2010. That was 7 months ago. We have had a lot of obstacles to overcome but we are finally here.

TRANSFER DAY!

I flew in to Philadelphia yesterday about 5:00. S picked me up and we went to Y&S's house. It is beautiful and looks like a great neighborhood to raise a little one. Then we went out to a very nice dinner. Then it was back to my hotel room. I didn't sleep well and had some crazy dreams but I did dream that one stuck so hopefully that is a good sign. Today we are to arrive at the IVF clinic at 11:00, about 12:00 they will transfer the little bubs, then I have to stick around for 30 minutes. Then back to the hotel for my 24 hours best rest to give them time to settle in.

I have my green on and my four leaf clovers. I am not a huge believer in luck but even so you can't have to much of it.

Time to go get ready! :)

Emily,
Today is a long story. We arrived at 9:30, nurse went over a few papers with me. She said Dr. D and Dr. L will be in charge of my retrieval, each do one side of the ovary. Dr. D is the best doctor at the IVF clinic, Dr. L is that new doctor almost canceled our cycle.This is kind of training session for Dr. L. Of cause I don't want her to touch my precious eggs. Finally the nurse agreed to talk to Dr. D about my concern.

Then the anesthesiologist came, she still want to put me on the average does of anesthesia medicine. She said dizziness is normal. But I know it is not right based on my first two retrieval's experience. I feel so upset after arguing with her. I start feel uncomfortable, heart start racing. When I was put on the operation table, my heart rate is 200! They tried all they can, talking to me, put some relax medicine through iv. Nothing worked. And they definitely couldn't do the retrieval under this kind of dangerous situation.So they called 911 and the ambulance came. Both the doctor of IVF clinic and the staff in the ambulance said most likely I couldn't finish the retrieval today, my life is more important. S is scared to lose me, and I am scared to lose all my eggs. It's already 11:30, I only have 3 hours window, if I can't be back in the retrieval room by 2:30, the eggs would be already ovulated to the tubes, nothing would be left in the follicles to be retrieved.

This cycle couldn't ended like this, both you and me went through so much to get here! I was very upset but calm in the ambulance, try to explain my situation. They gave me one medicine through iv. My goodness, I felt I am dying for a few seconds, then I came back. They managed to bring down my heartbeat from 200 to 110! Then they held my EKG explaining what happened. The medicine they gave to me made my heart stopping beating for a few second, then beat again. But they still can't release me. Once we arrived ER, the guys in the ambulance and me tried all our best to repeat the story again. I begged them to speed up everything, I need go back to Retrieval room by 2 o'clock. Both doctor and the nurse there are very nice, after a few check up and lots of blood drawn, they released me even before all the test result came back. But I need signed a sheet saying I refused continued care and take full responsibility of the consequences.

We rushed backed to the IVF clinic still in the Gown and iv tube. I called the nurse in the car that we are heading back, so they can be ready once we step in. Here we are, 1:30 we arrived the clinic. And I went straight into the operation room. This time, Dr. D did a ultrasound first before putting me into sleep. They want make sure at least there are still some follicles haven't released yet. He saw follicles, no time to counting how many of them still there, he ordered to 'iv' anesthesia to me.

When I wake up, the doctor said 11 follicles retrieved! My goodness, it all worth it! And Dr. L didn't even entered the retrieval room, Dr. D did it all by himself. Also this time the anesthesiologist put me on the minimal dose without any arguing. I didn't have any energy left to argue with her anyway.

That's the whole story. During my recovery time, the ER of the hospital called, saying the blood result show I had low level of potassium, that probably is the reason for racing heartbeat. I just took my first pill of potassium supplement.

Tomorrow they will call to let us know how many embryos formed. I hope I'll get a good rest tonight.

Talk to you soon,
Y

Wednesday we had a canceled cycle scare. The RE who read Y's ultrasound said it looked like there were only 5 follicles and it didn't make since to continue the cycle because there were so few follicles. Of course Y was devastated! She wasn't even sure they would try to use her eggs again and then she would have to use an egg donor. This was very upsetting news. And of course I was upset too. It isn't pleasant to stick yourself daily and to have done it for nothing would have been very upsetting.

Fast foward to Thursday's appointment.... There were 10 nice looking follicles!!! Woohoo! We are so happy to be moving forward. The follicles are growing a little slower so that has pushed the retrieval till Monday and the transfer will most likely be on Thursday. Progesterone shots start on Sunday night. I am not too worried about them though because I have already been giving myself the Delestrogen. The only thing about the progesterone is there is a lot more of it to inject. I have heard horror stories about the injection causing knots in the rear. That doesn't sound pleasant so I am going to be persistent in keeping a heating pad on the injection spot to keep from getting them.

On top of the transfer we are leaving for the beach on Sunday. The family will be there all week so I am going to fly out from Wilmington on Wednesday so that I can enjoy the beach also. I have so much to do to get ready for the trip and the transfer. At least it will keep me busy and hopefully make the time go by fast!

So as the NP put it this morning I got the tour of the neighborhood. She was talking about my uterus. Haha! I have learned so much from this whole thing. I know everything there is to know about my cycle, which chemicals are released, what my lining should be, what my levels should be at, etc... etc... Then this morning I got to see my reproductive organs on the screen and was showed what is what. I of course have had an ultrasound before but it is different when the focus isn't on a baby. Everything looks great. I have an 8.7mm lining and a triple stripe. Again things I would have never even known about if I hadn't gone through a surrogacy. The lining is where the embryo will attach itself. An 8.7 is pretty good, not amazing but I still have a couple more days till transfer.